The message is delivered by Cardinal Anthony Bevilacqua, 1 who was very real. The Onion bases this story on World Childbirth Day, a fictional event supposedly created by Pope John Paul II. There’s also this great line: “Will you deny God's wisdom by using condoms, or will you shine in the divine light of unprotected sex?”Ĭhildren wait in line for food from relief workers in Bangladesh. If your babies starve, Jesus will forgive them.' 'He wants you to continue expanding your families. 'God does not want you to choke the rivers of fertile bounty with immoral birth-control pills,' continued Halloran, framed by a backdrop of brown, withered crops and skeletal, half-living farm animals.

Missionary Christopher Halloran has worked hard on this pitch: And so subtlety wouldn’t have made sense for The Onion here.Īnd that’s a good thing, because The Onion doesn’t hold much back. The Church, especially in the early 2000s, faced hundreds, even thousands of cases where priests molested children. The Onion is rarely subtle in its commentary on Catholicism, although it can light-hearted, such as 2001’s “Cardinals Blasted For Negative Campaign Tactics In Papal Race.”

I know Pope Francis is considered somewhat liberal, but he’s not exactly handing out condoms.

“ Starving Third World Masses Warned Against Evils Of Contraception ” illustrates a universal truth, at least when it comes to Catholic Church teachings. This week’s issue has stories that feel relevant in 2022, but why? Are they truly timeless? Or is it just a coincidence that we’re talking about that topic now? Is history cyclical? Maybe not, but it feels that way sometimes. A villager in Bamako, Mali, reads a Catholic Church pamphlet.

2000s photo backdrop